Feeling Special

Everybody loves to feel special. In one way or another, it lifts our souls when someone makes us feel special, let alone when they tell us that we are special to them. But what exactly makes us special, or make us feel that we are special?

Let me explain how I understand the concept of feeling or being special. For me, feeling (or being) special is associated with feelings of acceptance and affirmation. In a parent-child relationship, the parents can make their child feel special if they take care of them, give reward to every 100% score in a 5-item ABC quiz, get a gold star for a stick drawing, tell them they're beautiful/handsome even though they are dirty and stinky, and so on. Parents accept and affirm every thing no matter how simple and little it is. This helps the child gain self-confidence, happiness and contentment. Sadly, not all parents do what I have said above, that's why there are children who feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. These children often have less self-confidence and great self-doubt. Often, they strive to look for acceptance and affirmation in other places, even in the wrong ones, just to feel special.

In a boy-girl relationship, friendship or romantic, one can make the other feel special by showing them different way of treatment. A kind of treatment that has exemplary care, affection and kindness. The thinking "He/She is special to me that's why I treat him/her this and that way" exist in this context. Most of the time, the person will feel happy, overjoyed, affirmed and uplifted when they experience this. The "kilig" and "butterfly-feeling in the stomach" are (to some point) desirable and beautiful to most, if not all, human being. A soft touch, a nice hug, a sweet word - all of which can (in one way or another) arouse the "kilig" and "butterfly-feeling". Sadly, (to some people) this has become the measurement and basis of being special today.

Most people come across something or someone that will make them feel special. It may come as something they hoped for or just a surprise. There is nothing wrong about feelingspecial. It is when we rely our being special too much on something or someone that makes it wrong. Why? Because when they leave, or be gone, they bring with them the happy feeling of being special. Their absence will make us feel disappointed, depressed, alone and worthless. There is no true joy if we rely too much on other people. They are still human, they are not perfect, they are subject to their own mistakes and imperfections. Everything in this world is fleeting and will just come to pass.

Seeing yourself as someone special doesn't have to come from other people. It has to start from your own self and your own way of thinking. A change of mindset will help a lot. Thinking that you are special is way better than letting other people tell you that you are special. It is because you don't have to spend a lot of your time and energy to please other people. Also, it saves you from the guessing game of "Maybe I am special to him/her because he/she treats me this way and he/she did this and that to me". Actions done by other people can be very confusing and deceiving, even some of the words the say too. In addition, accepting what you can and cannot do is also part of the process. It is very helpful and healthy to accept that you cannot do everything and that you cannot have every skill that ever existed. Each person is unique and different, a very common principle but is often rejected or neglected. Many people strive hard just to get that affirmation from other people that they are special. Yes, it's sad, but it's real. It also helps to always remember that you are perfectly special just as you are. You don't have to be someone you are not just to be happy and content. You are special. Love yourself.

Lastly, it is very important that you know and always remember that God has created you after His own image and likeness. Even before this world was created, you have been so special in the eyes of God. He created you unique and different. He has engraved your name in the palm of His hands. He has written your name in His heart. He has known you, accepted you and loved you deeply even before you were conceived in your mother's womb. God is more than enough to make us feel (and even see) that we are special. We are special not because we are models, or good sport players, or beautiful dancers, or magna cum laude, or rich, and so on, but because God has loved us. It is the love of God that makes us special in our own way. You are perfectly special just as you are because of the perfect love of God. The perfect love of God is not earned, it is freely given. You just have to freely accept it.

So, what makes you special, or feel special? :)

By: Jaea Frzyl Hidalgo Conde

This is a personal note. I don't intend to make false assumptions and generalizations.

Date: July 31, 2010 (finished at 1:43am)