After God’s Own Heart

“The person after God’s heart is the person whose own heart seeks first the kingdom of God.”

-  David Jeremiah

“. . . I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.”

-  Acts 13:22

You should seek God in EVERYTHING that you do. No matter how simple or of little importance it is, you must SEEK GOD and HIS WILL. You don’t have to only seek Him during those times when you needed Him most, but also in times that you are just simply doing a routine thing or task. Upon waking up, you must first seek Him and be in His presence. In washing the dishes, cleaning your closet, washing clothes, etc., you must seek Him. Do not wait for difficult circumstances or hard situations to come before you go and seek God. You can seek for Him all the time, and you will never fail to find Him because He is just always there, waiting for you to come to Him.

Don’t let the feeling of unworthiness and sinfulness overcome your desire to seek God and be in His presence. All of us commit sins in a daily basis, whether it’s a “big” sin like adultery or a “small” sin like white lies. God doesn’t measure how “big” or “small” our sins are. He weighs our hearts and what’s in it. We are all unworthy and sinful and we don’t deserve to be in God’s presence, however, God’s promises doesn’t change or come tumbling down because of our sins, nor does it change because of our good works. God’s promises are absolute and constant, it would never change and it would never fail, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. Nothing we can do can make God love us more or less. Sin separates us from the love of God but that doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love us anymore. He loves us so much He made a way to bridge Him and us in our sinful nature. That bridge He made when He gave His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins and save us from the bondages of Satan. God is more pleased to see a sinful, yet repentant heart than a heart that doesn’t seem to even feel the need to repent at all. He is more pleased to see a sinful heart that truly repents than a heart that seems to repent yet seeks the pleasures of his/her sinful nature.

There are times that we get caught up by our own earthly desires and pleasures that we don’t listen to what the Spirit of God tells us. We ignore that still, small Voice that gives us wisdom and guidance in what to do and what not to do. It is our own will that gets in the way. We often want to do things our own way, in our own terms. We take risks and not think of consequences. When things go bad, we tend to blame it all on God and His will. When we are about to do something sinful, we say, “I’ll do this, because I want to do it. This is what I want.” When we face the consequences of our decisions and actions, we say, “God has a purpose why He let these things happen.” Yes, God does have a purpose for us, but He never intended us to go through all those consequences and problems we ourselves caused on our own. Consequential problems are different from problems that God put in our way to shape us and mold us. Look at Job, he had problems that God allowed to happen to test his faithfulness and love for God. Those are the kinds of problems and hardships that God allows to mold us to become the person He wants us to be. Consequential problems are like that of King Saul. He lost his kingship because of his decisions and actions. God never intended him to “suffer” all those problems/consequences, but because of his disobedience, he lost everything God wanted him to have. Doing things our way is a disobedience to God, and disobedience leads to sin, and sin leads to destruction.

So, don’t let your own desires get in the way of God’s desires for you. Seek God and his kingdom and you will know His desires for you and that will eventually become the desires of your heart. Desiring what God desires for us is the best desire we could ever have because we know that His desires are the best in the world. Come to God through Jesus Christ and you will find Him, no matter what you have done or what you are right now. God hates the sin but He deeply loves the sinner. He loves you more than anything in the world. You are His most priced and cherished creation.

By: Jaea Conde (January 26, 2013 – 8:20am)

Being God’s Best During The Toughest Time Of Your Life

No Christian has had an easy life. The moment you accept Jesus Christ in your heart, your eyes are opened to the realities of this sinful world and what sin does to your life. You become aware of your sins and its consequences. It becomes a burden in your heart to know how much pain you’ve caused in God’s heart. Your past sins hunt you and sometimes you come to a point when you condemn yourself for making such choices in your lifetime. Being a follower of Christ is never an easy job. There are a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, surprises and even pain; that sometimes it’s so hard to keep track on things and adjust to situations. But guess what? When you are in that moment of so much pain and vulnerability, you can become God’s best when you obey His commands to you. It is in experiencing so much pain that we become true and sincere in obeying God’s commands. Why? Because we are driven by our heightened emotion of pain and grief, we desire to make things better, even for other people. When we help people in their need and obey God despite our dreadful situation, we find great joy and peace in our hearts. We put our faith in God because we know there’s no one else we can turn to. This obedience in times of pain is what God seeks from us all the time. Why does He allow painful things to happen to us? Well, aside from it being the result or consequence of our own choices and actions most of the time, He hopes that by experiencing that much pain, we learn something from it, get to know who He is and that we would come to realize that there are greater things He can do in us and through us if we just obey Him. More often than not, the turning points of our lives are those times when we are most broken and wounded. Those are the experiences that mold us to become stronger and be more like Jesus Christ. The purest of gold had to go through a lot of heat and purification process; so, to be God’s best is to go through a lot of fiery furnace and purification processes. But all of the pain is more than worth it.

Have you ever noticed that the most fruitful servants of God are those who had undergone so much pain and trials? Why? Because they turned their pain into real life testimonies that tell people who really God is and what He is capable of. Why does God had to allow that? Because all living people in this world is in great distress. Unbelievers just don’t feel that much burden because of their sinful nature. They find it “relieving their pain” if they resolve to earthly and temporary pleasures. But knowing Christ, the scales in our eyes are removed and we see what it really is to give in to human pleasures. We feel troubled and pained by it; but then, we also know of the love of God and Jesus Christ. We find joy and peace in that. We find happiness that we can’t contain and explain. We find contentment and satisfaction in just calling out the Name of Jesus Christ. We find peace and security in His Name. We find everything good in Jesus. And that’s the kind of testimony God wants to use to minister to other people. Our lifestyle alone can be of great and life-changing testimony to unbelievers. Just like what Jesus did during His ministry years, He lived a life full of wonderful, life-transforming testimonies; that still continues to bring people back to God, even up to this point in time and in the many more years to come.

So, whenever you’re in the toughest time of your life, remember that you can still be God’s best and He can still use you mightily for the glory of His Name and salvation of lost souls, if you obey Him. Even Jesus Christ had to experience pain and death on the Cross, though He was blameless and without sin, just so He could save you from your sins. Use your pain to serve God and He will bless you abundantly. Your pain will be turned into joy, praising and dancing. He can turn your sorrows into peace and love. He can make you His best in your brokenness. Eventually, when you have completely transformed to becoming more like Jesus, your pain becomes your joy all the time, because of the grace and love of God for you. Be God’s best in the toughest of toughest times.

Jaea Conde

Nov. 26, 2012

11:46pm

Feeling Special

Everybody loves to feel special. In one way or another, it lifts our souls when someone makes us feel special, let alone when they tell us that we are special to them. But what exactly makes us special, or make us feel that we are special?

Let me explain how I understand the concept of feeling or being special. For me, feeling (or being) special is associated with feelings of acceptance and affirmation. In a parent-child relationship, the parents can make their child feel special if they take care of them, give reward to every 100% score in a 5-item ABC quiz, get a gold star for a stick drawing, tell them they're beautiful/handsome even though they are dirty and stinky, and so on. Parents accept and affirm every thing no matter how simple and little it is. This helps the child gain self-confidence, happiness and contentment. Sadly, not all parents do what I have said above, that's why there are children who feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. These children often have less self-confidence and great self-doubt. Often, they strive to look for acceptance and affirmation in other places, even in the wrong ones, just to feel special.

In a boy-girl relationship, friendship or romantic, one can make the other feel special by showing them different way of treatment. A kind of treatment that has exemplary care, affection and kindness. The thinking "He/She is special to me that's why I treat him/her this and that way" exist in this context. Most of the time, the person will feel happy, overjoyed, affirmed and uplifted when they experience this. The "kilig" and "butterfly-feeling in the stomach" are (to some point) desirable and beautiful to most, if not all, human being. A soft touch, a nice hug, a sweet word - all of which can (in one way or another) arouse the "kilig" and "butterfly-feeling". Sadly, (to some people) this has become the measurement and basis of being special today.

Most people come across something or someone that will make them feel special. It may come as something they hoped for or just a surprise. There is nothing wrong about feelingspecial. It is when we rely our being special too much on something or someone that makes it wrong. Why? Because when they leave, or be gone, they bring with them the happy feeling of being special. Their absence will make us feel disappointed, depressed, alone and worthless. There is no true joy if we rely too much on other people. They are still human, they are not perfect, they are subject to their own mistakes and imperfections. Everything in this world is fleeting and will just come to pass.

Seeing yourself as someone special doesn't have to come from other people. It has to start from your own self and your own way of thinking. A change of mindset will help a lot. Thinking that you are special is way better than letting other people tell you that you are special. It is because you don't have to spend a lot of your time and energy to please other people. Also, it saves you from the guessing game of "Maybe I am special to him/her because he/she treats me this way and he/she did this and that to me". Actions done by other people can be very confusing and deceiving, even some of the words the say too. In addition, accepting what you can and cannot do is also part of the process. It is very helpful and healthy to accept that you cannot do everything and that you cannot have every skill that ever existed. Each person is unique and different, a very common principle but is often rejected or neglected. Many people strive hard just to get that affirmation from other people that they are special. Yes, it's sad, but it's real. It also helps to always remember that you are perfectly special just as you are. You don't have to be someone you are not just to be happy and content. You are special. Love yourself.

Lastly, it is very important that you know and always remember that God has created you after His own image and likeness. Even before this world was created, you have been so special in the eyes of God. He created you unique and different. He has engraved your name in the palm of His hands. He has written your name in His heart. He has known you, accepted you and loved you deeply even before you were conceived in your mother's womb. God is more than enough to make us feel (and even see) that we are special. We are special not because we are models, or good sport players, or beautiful dancers, or magna cum laude, or rich, and so on, but because God has loved us. It is the love of God that makes us special in our own way. You are perfectly special just as you are because of the perfect love of God. The perfect love of God is not earned, it is freely given. You just have to freely accept it.

So, what makes you special, or feel special? :)

By: Jaea Frzyl Hidalgo Conde

This is a personal note. I don't intend to make false assumptions and generalizations.

Date: July 31, 2010 (finished at 1:43am)

Rememberin' the Days: Friendship :)

Friends, they help us live a happy life. Friendship is one of the relationships established by God so we could live with groups of people to whom we can share His love and blessings with. In one way or another, our friends have influenced us - our attitude, character, and personality. We created memories, good and bad, with them, which we treasure most. Memories with friends are irreplaceable and unforgettable. At times, when we remember those memories, we can't help smiling, laughing and even crying to ourselves. Why? Because they have been part of our lives and will always remain in our hearts even as we grow old in life.

There is a season when our groups of friends are inseparable. We are always with them, almost 24/7. We do most things with them, some even going on a shower with same sex friends. Hahaha. Choose class schedules where everybody can come together, making sure that no one is "left behind". Planning and going on outings and "get togethers" almost every week. Sometimes even drinking together during certain occasions, or share someone's heartaches and problems, or for no reason at all. Hehehe. Even when we're at home already, the bonding and communication never stops. We spent sleepless nights on the telephone or cellphone - by call, personal text, or group message. (Thanks to the unlimited calls and texts. Hehehe.) We just can't get enough of our friends. A day without them can be very gloomy and boring.

In this season, we share a lot of our personal lives to each other. Secrets, problems, concerns, troubles, happiness, blessings, and even our comments and feedback on random things and people. (Back-biting? Sort of. Hehehe.) Our friends become the outlet of our emotions and feelings. They help us smile and even laugh hard despite all the problems we have at the time. They share, with great joy, and celebrate with us in our happy times. Our true friends stick with us through the extreme times of our lives.

Also, who can ever forget the times we had fights with each other? Those were tough times, but remembering it is so much fun. (Hehehe.) Words that hurt us so much were released and spoken intentionally and unintentionally. Seemed like it's the end of the world. Seemed like World War III was about to begin. Sudden burst of anger and emotions exploded like nuclear bombs. (Hahaha.) Yes, remembering those fights can really be fun, especially if the reasons and causes of those great fights were very minimal and might even have no sense at all. One thing that is so great about those fights was how it helped the friendship grew stronger. It did test our friendship, and in the end we grew even closer to each other.

But, there is also a season in friendship when each of us has to live our lives separately. Our individual situations and personal dreams lead us to different directions and brought us to different places. Distance separates us in this season. We live the life we want to live. We go and achieve our dreams and goals. We leave so we can do and fulfill our responsibilities. We face what is inevitable and take charge of our personal lives. We leave, even though it is hard to do.

In this season, we miss our friends and we spend hours reminiscing those memories we created with them. But still, despite the distance, our friendship still continues to deepen. We also spend long hours chatting or calling each other. (Thanks to the modern technology; and especially to websites like Facebook, Twitter, Skype and Yahoo!) This season is also a way to test the friendship established. Distance shouldn't be a problem. Communication shouldn't be a concern. If you really want it, you can always find a way to communicate with your friends. The love and support we shared while we're together personally can also be shared even when we are miles apart. This is the season when true words, words that are really sincere and honest, will be more meaningful than ever. Actions are not seen and felt physically, but true words are heard (or read) and felt in the heart. 

Whichever season your friendship is in right now, what matters most is your love for each other. No man is an island - it's time you look around and recognize who your true friends are. No matter how far (or near) you are from each other, you must work on that friendship and let nothing destroy it. Like any other relationships, friendship takes time and effort to grow. It's a 2-way street where each one must work on and put something in it so it would grow stronger as days pass by.

By: Jaea Frzyl Hidalgo Conde

Date: August 11, 2010 (finished at 3:57am)

CROSSROADS

by Jaea Conde

I am shattered, broken to tiny pieces
No one around to help me pick up
The shattered, broken pieces of my heart
I ran to escape the dark, cold past

Running without direction
I reached the crossroads
And I got more confused
Where to go, I do not know

I looked left, “What’s in there?” I asked myself
I looked right, “Is it safe?” I wondered
I looked front, “What will happen to me?” I asked again
I looked back, the darkness overwhelmed

Then I fell down to my knees
Weeping and mourning
Losing grip of the hope left
Then I heard a voice saying, “My child, I Am here”

I looked left, no one was there
I looked right, it was empty
I looked front, there was nothing
I looked back, still darkness exists

Scared, weary and confused
I looked up and a light came down
Covering me, chasing away the darkness behind
And the voice said, “I Am with you wherever you go”

He said, “I Am your Father, I will never leave you”
Then I knew, I am not alone
I was never alone
He has been with me, I just didn’t look

The Light showed the way
He took my cares away
In the crossroads of life
Jesus is here within me


Date: July 04, 2010 (around 2:30am)

YOU ARE

The first "poem" I wrote in 7 years...It does not really have any rhymes nor does it follow the format of writing poems...Will try to edit it some time, but as of now, I'll leave it as it is...I hope this will not be the last, but is the start of a new beginning...:)

"YOU ARE" by Jaea Conde

In my pain, You are my comfort
In my sadness, You are my joy
In my distress, You are my helper
You are my God, forever there

In anger, You are my patience
In the storm, You are my rock
In times of need, You are my provider
You are my ever loving Father

When there is war, You are my peace
When I am weak, You are my strength
When in a battle, You are my shield
When I am broken, You are my healer
You are my present Redeemer

When I am lost, You are my guide
When in the darkness, You are my light
When trapped in sin, You are my savior
When things go wrong, You are my solution
You are my unfailing Friend

Lord, YOU are

My God, my Father, my Redeemer, and my Friend




Date: June 28, 2010 (2:30am)

Church Musicians

I was browsing through my Friendster profile when I came across this comment of mine...I posted it April 22, 2008 in my comment box and my friends' comment boxes...I would also like to share this to all of you...:)

"In heaven, no earthly occupations will be needed, save one: church musicians. Think about it. In heaven, doctors will have no clinics, for there will be only perfectly functioning and re-energized bodies. Lawyers and judges will have no reason to appear in court to settle disputes among who are living together in peace. Even preachers will no longer need pulpits to win souls, for Christ will be living in the neighborhood, and we shall see Christ, and Christ shall be all in all!"


This is right. For church musicians, earthly service comes with an implied eternal contract. Given such a momentous task, church musicians ought to learn to worship well and to lead worship well, for our worship here is a WARM-UP FOR THE EVERLASTING WORSHIP OF GOD that is to come.


Reference: Serving in Your Church Music Ministry - Randall D. Engle; Pau

BACK in HANOI :)

April 22, 2010 (Wednesday) around 8:45am, Air Asia Aircraft Flight FD 3700 bound for Hanoi from Suvarnabhumi International Airport, Bangkok, Thaliand landed at Noi Bai Airport, Hanoi, Vietnam.

After all I went through, I finally got to Hanoi safe and sound...:) The most hard and challenging part of my trip was in the Philippine Immigration...This lady immigration officer was so hard on me, and on some other passengers who were also bound for Bangkok...She really gave me a hard time and scared me a lot...That was the very first time I experienced interogated by an immig officer...(it was not my first time to go to Bangkok and Hanoi though)...She was asking a lot of questions, most of it retorical and sarcastic...I was so nervous, I texted my church pastors and friends to pray for me out of desperation...And deep inside, I was praying really really hard for God's intervention and favor...Finally, she had me interviewed by their head...And it turned out that their head officer was more kind and approachable...(thank GOD!!) The "interview" with the head officer was not scary and hard at all...It barely lasted 10 minutes...After the head officer asked few questions, he asked another immig officer to clear me...When I was cleared and was heading to the boarding gate, I bursted out to tears and was crying all the way...Thank God Mommy Jeaneth called to check out on me...I was able to let my feelings out while talking to her...It really helped a lot...And she said it was good that I was able to undergo such experience, so that next time, I will not be scared that much...She asked me what time was that when I was interogated by the lady immig officer...And it turned out that it was at that the same moment that GOD impressed on them and urged them to pray for me...Indeed, even though we're far from each other, GOD moved and connected us together through prayer...That was why Mommy Jeaneth called to check on me, because God told her that something was happening to me and I need comfort and help...The whole trip was really okay and nice and thank GOD time flew so fast...:)

I am very much enjoying here in Hanoi with my family..We went out, ate at some places, went to praying meeting, and Mommy Jeaneth bought me a cute dress (for sunday)...It is really peaceful in here...:) hehehe :) THANK GOD FOR THE SAFE TRIP!! GOD WAS WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!! :)

Plane and Friend :)

April 19, 2010: Trip from Cagayan de Oro City to Manila
Plane: Cebu Pacific - Flight 5J 390
Seat: 7F (Window Side)
Departure: 6:20pm
Arrival: 7:45pm

This day was both fun and not fun...

Not fun, because I'm leaving CdeO...My sisterlet cried and many people that i know felt sad...We'll surely miss each other a lot...But hey!! I always tell them we'll still see each other on the net (Facebook, YM! & Skype for example)...:) I'm in Manila now and I will be leaving for Bangkok tomorrow night...:)

It is still fun because I was able to meet new people and won a new friend...The Alaska Basketball Team was in the same plane as I am...We boarded the plane at around 5:50pm and took off at around 6:15pm...What made it more better? :) My "seatmate" was one of the Alaska players, and we became friends...We talked all throughout the flight...We talked about all sort of random things, from traveling to christian faith...:) This day, I saw most, if not all, of the Alaska Team Players, including their coach and former player of Alaska team, Jojo Lastimosa...Indeed, it may be once in a lifetime experience for me...However, I did not took pictures or asked my new friend to have picture with me and with his team mates...I was shy, and I don't really have a camera, only cellphone camera...:) But still, that experience was for me to keep...And what's nice was he said something that made me think twice of how is my relationship with GOD...

One lesson from that conversation: Back sliding is really not good (who says it is?)...It changes our relationship with God and going back to Him will be very very hard, as compared to the first time we came to Him...In addition, we became more responsible and accountable of our actions, especially when we are aware that what we are doing and what we are about to do is wrong and unpleasing before God...In the Bible, Jesus said that not all who call Him "Father" or "Lord" is His child, and He does not know such people...Why? Because not all who call Him "Father" and "Lord" follow and obey His ways and command...As a child of God, we must follow His example and obey His commands...

One lesson from that experience: Everything is possible with God...I was really feeling a bit sad leaving CdeO, but God has started showing that where I'm going is somewhere helpful and fruitful for me and for the people around me...Overall, the check-in and the flight was really more than okay and enough for me...Indeed, I am never alone wherever I go...GOD IS WITH ME & IN ME!! :)

The Graduate :)

March 27, 2010 - one of the most memorable and fulfilling days on my life...that was when my life as a student ended and i was sealed with my degree in Bachelor of Science in Psychology...I AM NOW A GRADUATE!! :D and now currently an unemployed graduate...hehehe :D being a graduate has a lot of perks: no more assignments, projects, school reports, thesis paper, but also no more ALLOWANCE...hehehe :D most of my classmates are now looking and applying for jobs...and i am so excited to try applying for different jobs, but i guess that has to wait...:) i already have plans for the moment, with the help of my aunt...:) i will have a sort of vacation for a while then will see what GOD will impress on me on which work i should apply for...there are a lot of opportunities waiting for me (THANK GOD!) and soon i will start choosing which door to open....i just hope GOD will lead me to open the right door...

when God takes you home...

our life here on earth is never permanent...we're just hear to live temporarily...our life have been all planned even before we were born...God planned the date of our birth and the date when we leave this place...everything is planned and it works according to God's own will...God placed us in a family where we fit best...In a community where we can be a good neighbor to our neighbors...In a city where we can serve Him and spread out His word to His people...In a country where we can be the one to lead His people in a righteous way...Everything was planned by God according to His own purpose and will...He even brought us close to each other to make us an outlet of His love to one another...He let us borrow each other's presence, company, care and love...And it pays to always remember that someday, sometime, God will take us back home to His presence...As what we are always told, we are just visitors here on earth...Our permanent home is in heaven, where there is peace, joy, and love from God...A place where we can praise and worship Him for eternity...

Just tonight (July 11, 2009), i went to the hospital (CUMC) to visit a friend of mine...He was in a critical condition for days...And they said that his condition became even worse because they found another (worst) complication in him...When i was in the hospital, with some other people who are my friends (more than friends cause we're like a "family", church family), he was in bed lying with a respirator...i stayed there chit-chatting with my church family, telling them stories about my cousins in Vietnam...We had fun talking with each other...Keeping each other's company and finding comfort from each other during this time of suffering and life struggle of our dear friend...His family was there..They stayed with him since the first day he got sick...He was prayed over and friends who knew him kept on praying for him...Asking for healing, provision, comfort, and the will of God...And just also tonight, God took him home with Him...It brings pain to us because his presence and company we will not see anymore until God takes home all His children with Him too...We know God loves him very much and He has plans for him and his family...As He said in His words, "For I know the plans I have for you...Plans to prosper you and not to harm you...Plans to give you hope and a future..." Also He said, "Everything works together for good to those who love the Lord.." In this time, God is our only source of comfort...

Kuya, thanks for being a good kuya and friend to all of us...sayang wala jud ko nimo natudluan og keybroad...sige lang jud ka-postpone atong plans and schedules...tsk!! hehehe :) kuya, i feel bad kay nag-una ka uli, but i'm also happy because you found peace and joy there sa presence ni Lord...how does heaven looks like? hihihi :D i guess we'll see each other in God's time...:D Lord, thanks sa life a gihatag Nimo kay kuya...he was indeed a blessing to us, his family and friends...Whatever plans You have for their family, Lord, let Your will be done...I pray for comfort to everyone who feel pain at his leaving...Lord, be with us always...In this time of pain, Lord, we continue to praise You and give glory to You alone...thank You so much Lord...:D

(I wrote this blog to express out the words i have in my heart and mind to bring comfort to me and to everyone who might find comfort through this...I pray for God's covering...)